So you’ve gone on this crazy adventure called “life” and moved to the Big City. You realized that you hate traffic, so you ditched your old car in some junk lot – it hardly worked anyway. You can’t stand the sight of hipsters on bikes. And you don’t want to look like them. Besides, a bike wouldn’t get you to all the places you need to go. So you choose to ride the subway.
Only it isn’t as easy as you thought. Here are some tips on how to ride the subway:
How To Ride The Subway Tip 1: Make sure you’re getting on the right train
Color and digit, people. Look for them every time. I made this mistake just today morning; it happens to the best of us.
How To Ride The Subway Tip 2: Remember if you’re wearing a backpack when standing at the door
Be sure to remember if you are wearing a backpack. If you are, make sure to step all the way in. It is very annoying when the doors try to close but won’t, because some jerk isn’t aware of his/her surroundings.
How To Ride The Subway Tip 3: You will rub and you will be rubbed upon, try not to think about it
Nobody likes a perv. The less you think about the swelling of sweaty bodies swallowing you up and infiltrating the very air you’re breathing, the better.
How To Ride The Subway Tip 4: Have a map handy
All you kids, with your fancy interactive maps, will need to read a real chart. Most stations don’t have wi-fi or reception.
How To Ride The Subway Tip 5: Have water handy
If not just for you, then for others. I’ve seen girls collapsed in the middle of the platform from dehydration (and maybe a little of something else).
How To Ride The Subway Tip 6: Don’t miss your stop
Make sure that you do not miss your stop. Some stations do not let you transfer to the other side of the track without paying for another ride, so unless you pay by unlimited, that’s $2.75 you just pissed away.
How To Ride The Subway Tip 7: Enjoy the people watching
You can watch all sorts of people. Just don’t get too close. Some intense things can happen in those half-empty cars, and you don’t want to get caught in the middle of something dangerous.
How To Ride The Subway Tip 8: Enjoy the performances
You can see some pretty cool stuff down below the city’s streets. There can be drumming, dancing, the occasional polka, but never any fire-breathing (I suppose that could be construed as dangerous).
Making the city tunnels safer, one informed person at a time.